My Current Mood/s :
"Contemplative"Quote of the Day :
"Blue mountains speak of my desire, green waters reflect my lover's love; The mountains unchanging,
the waters flowing by, sometimes it seems the water cannot forget me, they part in tears, regretting, running away."
This is all too weird. Ever since Hikaru hasn't been in contact with me, my ex-boyfriend, Takamura Yuuri has been online. Well, at least for 2 staright days.. and that's rare! I don't know, but when I talk to him, I feel so happy. Like, what I feel when Hikaru finally texts me or calls me or when I meet him. You know, it's like my heart has been parted in this way: 90% to Hikaru and 10% to Yuuri-niichan. Well, that's when he is only online anyway. He isn't on today, which is kind of relieving because It The proportions might go : 85% Hikaru and 15% Yuuri-niichan. I still love Hikaru with all my heart. It's just that, lack of communication makes it kind of blurry, but not in a break-up kind of way. I promised Hikaru I would be with him forever. I shall keep that promise. I just hope he does too.
"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get; rather, it is what you are expected to give."
Thank you for the e-card, niichan! Wubshoo! *chuus cheek* n.n you made me feel better.
*continues sudying Chinese*
"Faith is to believe what you do not see,
the reward of this faith is to see what you believe."
*shall now do AP portfolio entry*
My Current Mood/s :
"Bookish"Am Currently Reading :
Memoires of a GeishaQuote of the Day :
"Somewhere, there's someone who dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worthwhile. So when you are lonely, remember it's true, somebody somehwere is thinking of you." <~ dedicated to Hikaru
I just want to rant here for a bit.. Hope it's ok.. I wish that Hikaru would give some time for me for a change.. She's always with Krelian.. She knows that I can't go out all the time because my parents are strict and gets annoyed if I'm not able to attend cosplay meetings. I wish I was like Krelian.. I envy him so much that each mention of his name makes my heart ache and I cry so hard that I couldn't sometimes breathe. I cried every single day because just merely thinking about Hikaru hanging out with Krelian makes me feel unwanted.. Sure, Hikaru will message me that he loves me.. and I smile for a bit.. but again my smile becomes a sad smile and then again, I cry. I always ended up crying.. Even as I sleep. Often, I wake up in the morning with my cheeks feeling either sticky from the dried tears or the tears are still damp. I just wish Hikaru would sleepover again.. I really miss him..
Current Mood/s :
Why I am Thankful to Krelian :
- He makes Hikaru happy.
- He always finds ways to keep Hikaru from feeling bored.
- He's rich and always treats Hikaru.
- He has a outgoing lifestyle like Hikaru's so they always go to 'parties' and stuff.
- He loves Hikaru like I do.
Why I Suck :
- I'm not rich.
- Strict parents.
- Strict rules.
- I am boring.
- I can't make Hikaru happy like Krelian can.
- I feel guilty when I'm around Krelian and the gang because they want to talk to Hikaru.
- I don't want to socialize with them and I don't know why.
I just hope that.. Hikaru still has the same feeling for me like I do for him.. I don't want to be separated from hikaru.. ever.. We promised each other that no matter what.. we would always be together.. to grow old together.. to have a happy life together.. But look at what is happening now.. I messed up everything.. Everything we had.. and shared.. I don't know what's going on anymore.. I just want me and /hikaru to be together.. That's all.. I just hope that.. Hikaru listens to what I am not saying.. If you know what it means..